The Motherfucker Awards

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August 14, 2019

In this article you’ll find some gnarly info about…

  • What the Motherfucker Awards are
  • Which Companies are the worst for us and our planet
  • Why you should shop with your head, not your wallet

The Motherfucker Awards

AKA the MOFAs is an awards show created by big wave surfer Kyle Thiermann and Author Chris Ryan that celebrates the ones that fuck Mother Earth the hardest.”

Mother Fucker Awards

Companies like Monsanto and Purdue Pharma receive rewards for acting in ways that their mother’s would not be proud of – polluting the environment, or breaking our human spirit by supplying our population with a gnarly opioid addiction.

The twist?

Famous comedians volunteer to accept the awards on the companies behalf and give some pretty wild acceptance speeches, highlighting exactly how preposterous the decisions these companies make really are.

You can find the website here

 

Congratulations! You’ve Been Nominated Because You’re One Big Motherfucker!

There are six award categories, but only one winner for each

  • Land: For making dirt dirtier than ever
  • Air: For making the atmosphere more visible
  • Water: For taking the biggest piss in the global pool
  • Fire: For bringing us closer to a post-apocalyptic hellscape
  • Spirit: For outstanding efforts to break the human spirit
  • Reality: For the best mind-fuck

 

And The Award Goes To…

Let’s take a look at last years winners, who put money above all else.

 

How many chemicals can one man breathe? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind … Because the atmosphere is a great place to dump pollutants. A light breeze carries away your poisons, and -— poof! — problem solved. Thanks to Chase bank, bottled air will soon be as ubiquitous as bottled water, further stimulating economic growth!

Chase is the #1 Wall Street funder of tar sands –– one of the dirtiest fossil fuels on the planet. Their investments in the tar sands sector directly result in human rights abuses and environmental disasters.

TheMotherfuckerAwards.com

 

Imagine there’s no future. It isn’t hard to do. Everyone knows climate change, massive volcanic eruptions, or the sun exploding into a super-nova will eventually boil the oceans and burn everything else to ash, so why wait? PG&E is working hard to make tomorrow’s catastrophes happen today!

PG&E equipment was responsible for at least 17 of 21 major fires in Northern California in the past year. Many of these fires were due to lack of powerline maintenance.

TheMotherfuckerAwards.com

 

Who’ll stop the rain? Maybe no one, but Coca-cola is doing their best to drain aquifers and sell the water back to you in bottles that will last forever!

The equivalent of one garbage truck of plastic enters into our seas every minute, every day, all year long. This year about 10,000 volunteers from the Breakfree from plastics movement conducted trash cleanups in 42 countries in an effort to identify the brands that contributed most significantly to plastic pollution in 2018. Coca-Cola was identified as the largest plastic polluter to our oceans globally.

TheMotherfuckerAwards.com

 

This land is not your land, this land is their land. One-third of the continental U.S. is devoted to industrial agriculture, bringing order and simplicity to a chaotic natural world and fostering dreams of perpetual growth despite finite resources. Tyson Foods is working hard to turn earth into one giant feedlot!

Tyson dumped millions of tons of pollutants into U.S. waterways. Drinking water contaminated with nitrates is linked to cancer, birth defects, and thyroid problems. Fertilizer pollution is also the leading cause of annual toxic algae blooms that cause Dead Zones in waterways across America.

TheMotherfuckerAwards.com

 

Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone? Life is brief and full of torment — and having hope for humanity just makes it worse. Purdue Pharma has found clever ways to turn unimaginable profits while draining the last bits of human dignity and hope. Brilliant!

Purdue Pharma is responsible for bringing Oxycontin to market, and triggering one of the largest health crises in US history. The company was fined $600 million dollars for false marketing practices that obscured the drug’s addictive qualities. Opioid overdoses are now leading cause of death among young people in America ahead of car accidents and gun violence. Purdue Pharma will report over $35 billion dollars in earnings this year.

TheMotherfuckerAwards.com

 

Are you California dreamin’ on this winter’s day? Well, maybe none of this is real. Facebook has found ways to make us question the very existence of reality itself, thereby creating so much confusion and chaos that effective political resistance is neutralized before it can begin.

Facebook’s targeting techniques track users and nonusers on other sites and apps. The company collects data on your locations, spending habits, and political beliefs to sell to advertisers without your consent. This data is used to influence elections.

TheMotherfuckerAwards.com

 

If You Only Take Away One Thing From This Article…

Be conscious of what big brands are doing to fuck us all over and know that just because these companies have commercials on TV, they are not role models.

Educate yourself on what brands are doing harm and what brands are at least trying to fix their mistakes. When talking about the award show, Kyle mentioned that this isn’t meant to tell people these brands suck, but to shame them into fixing their ways.

In the end, if the brands who won these awards decided to fix their ways, they would be doing more good than any single human choosing to re-use a water bottle, or picking up trash at a park. We’re just trying to get them to realize this 🙂

 

I love all you crazy fookers

Stay Sexy

– Steel

HMU

@jumpsuit_steel

@sexymotherearth

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